The Many Faces of Grace, Part 1

Prologue

This is the story of one woman's 13-year struggle to come to grips with God, faith, and depression.

William Blake, The Ancient of Days, 1794

Does God care?

In your faith journey, what have you struggled with the most? One of the questions I've struggled with over the years of dealing with depression, intimacy issues, death, and other such issues is this--Does God care? Will He hear my questions? Will He see my pain? Will He respond?

This is where the Prophet Elijah's story is very instructive. He has traveled a long distance and finds himself face-to-face with God Himself (1 Kings 19:9ff). When God asks Elijah this--What are you doing here ...?--Elijah responds with a complaint, focusing in on the idea that he alone has been standing strong for God's cause and, in fact, he is ALL ALONE! He then awaits God's response.

Do you prefer power or presence?

God's response in verses 9-18 is multi-layered. First, there's a display of massive power with hurricane-force, cliff-shattering winds! But God is not in the wind. Then, the ground itself begins to shake, but God is not in the earthquake. Finally, there is FIRE! I'm imagining huge sheets of flame, but God was not in the flame.

What is the point of these displays of immense power if God is not in them? Is He just showing off? I don't think so. I believe God is gauging Elijah's desire.  Is that the root of his depression, that God did not cause a sweeping revival through the nation of Israel where the people stood up en masse, overthrew the king and queen, and carried Elijah through the streets in joyous celebration? Was he awaiting the death of such an evil king and queen? Was Elijah expecting RAW POWER to fix things? If so, that expectation is not abnormal for us humans. This is where so many of us find ourselves disappointed with God. If He does not immediately SHOW UP AND SHOW OUT to give us the response we are expecting, we often wonder if He is even listening. Jennifer felt that. She prayed and cried and sought God's face, pleading for Him to remove the depression and bring miraculous healing. He has not, she continues to struggle with depression to this day. I also prayed and cried and sought God's face, pleading for healing for Jen and for our family. Yet, we continue to walk this road without that instantaneous healing. In fact, there is story after story after story of God NOT showing up in some deus ex machina manner to save the day, but He does show up ....

Elijah is not moved after these magnificent exhibitions of power. It seems he is waiting for something else, and then it happens! For after the power,  "There was a voice, a soft whisper. When Elijah heard it … he went out and stood at the entrance of the cave" (1 Kings 19:12-13). Why does Elijah choose to move at this point? He recognizes that God's presence was not in the outrageous, but rather in the still and quiet voice. Elijah moves not toward the power, but toward the Person.

Elijah moves not toward the power, but toward the Person.

This is God and this is grace. Instead of the one-and-done displays of power, He chooses instead to show up ALONGSIDE us in the struggle, comforting us with His rod and His staff as we walk THROUGH the "valley of the shadow of death" (Psalm 23). God's response is (this is so cool!) . . . Himself.

This is a hard truth. Jennifer and I wanted the flash, the bang, the fireworks, and the instant healing. But no deep hurt heals healthily and quickly. Healing takes time; superficial healing provides the space for infection, abscesses, scarring and the like; deep healing takes time and the loving ministrations of a healer as the healthy flesh builds up over a period of days/weeks/months.

The final answer

I began this post with one of my own personal faith struggles--Does God care? Does He hear our questions? Does He see our pain? Does He respond? I'm happy to write that Jen and I can both say, unequivocally, "Yes." How do we know, you ask? He has walked with us every step of the way. Presence is not the only response God has. There are three other parts to His response. Come back next week to find out what!

Next Week--The Many Faces of Grace, Part 2