Combating the shadow of depression

Prologue: A Journey Through Darkness and Light

This is the story of one woman's 13-year struggle to come to grips with God, faith, and depression.

The Shadow of the Valley of Death

Depression is a strange beast. It can creep in slowly or strike like lightning. Often, those who suffer may not even realize their perception of reality has shifted. It reminds me of the infamous frog in warm water, blissfully unaware of the slowly rising temperature until it's too late! Similarly, someone grappling with depression may not notice the clouds of gloom gathering, casting shadows over their inner light of hope and contentment. By the time they do, that shadow feels normal.

With hope dulled and contentment locked away, the depressive starts reaching for anything that might spark joy. They chase after fleeting pleasures—sex, drugs, rock and roll, shopping sprees, new relationships, or career changes—anything to ignite a flicker of happiness. Yet, the Shadow often douses these sparks, and the search begins anew. This cycle continues, even in the presence of God.

Kvetching, Whinging, Bellyaching, and More!

Elijah traveled many miles to Mt. Horeb to be in God's presence. When he arrives, God asks him a simple question:

"What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings 19:9b).

Elijah doesn’t express gratitude for the food, drink, and rest he received in the desert. He doesn’t high-five God for supporting him on Mount Carmel against the 450 priests of Baal. There’s no campfire where they swap stories. Instead, Elijah says:

"... I have been very zealous for the Lord God of Armies, but the Israelites have abandoned your covenant, torn down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left, and they are looking for me to take my life" (1 Kings 19:10).

Notice how Elijah's reality revolves around one person—himself and his fears. He emphasizes "I," "my," and "alone." The Shadow has made his fears the center of his universe.

Elijah isn't alone in this. Many who suffer from depression find themselves trapped in a self-centered reality. They often don’t realize they’re in an alternate reality, far removed from what’s real, because their fears loom too large. In between bouts of depression, Jennifer often said, "I just didn't know any better. It all seemed so normal." The desire for a bigger house, a different car, or new clothes felt "normal." Conversely, the lack of need for intimacy, community, or a clean house was also "normal." She simply couldn’t see beyond the shadow of her fears to the more manageable reality.

How Do We Engage?

So, how can we begin to pierce that cloying, suffocating darkness? What makes the Shadow loosen its grip?

DoubleShot

My younger daughter recently rode a horse named DoubleShot. This horse is anxious and lacks emotional control. During the ride, DoubleShot's anxiety took over. She bucked and wanted to bolt home! The typical response is to CONTROL, CONTROL, CONTROL that runaway horse. Pull on the reins! Yell! Whip the horse! But what Sierra did, with her trainer's guidance, was the opposite. She settled back into the saddle to regain balance.

Sierra engaged DoubleShot's mind through small changes, helping her focus on something other than her anxiety. She remained calm, radiating that calm energy to DoubleShot. In effect, Sierra helped the horse regulate her emotions, overcome her anxiety, and return to equilibrium without incident.

Too often, when engaging with someone in the grips of anxiety and fear, we want to exert CONTROL! We might yell, scream, isolate, threaten, punish, or disengage. I speak from personal experience when I say, dear reader, that none of those tactics work. What DOES work is what Sierra did with DoubleShot.

Stay balanced with the person. Provide small changes and inputs. Help the depressive think about something other than their anxiety and fears. Communicate calm energy back to them. In doing so, the Shadow begins to lift, even if just a little, and hope starts to shine through.

The Rest of the Story: A Glimpse of Hope

The story of Elijah and how the Creator interacts with him in his brokenness fascinates me. God's responses to Elijah are not what we might expect. How so? Well, that’s a topic for next week!

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey

As we navigate the complexities of faith and mental well-being, we must remember that the journey is often fraught with challenges. Each step taken towards understanding and healing is a step towards light. We can find strength in community, support, and the gentle reminders that we are not alone.

Let’s continue this conversation, exploring how we can foster environments that nurture growth and well-being. Together, we can challenge the shadows and embrace the light.

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Through 'Life Giving Leadership,' Kraig A. Smith aims to inspire and equip leaders to wield their influence in ways that foster growth and well-being, challenging them to create positive, life-affirming environments rather than destructive ones.

Next Week: The Shadow ... Named!