Valuable Life Lessons from Dark Times: Get Wisdom
It was the evening of 9 Feb, 1994. I was sitting in my home grading papers for my 9th-grade English class when the temperature began to fall, dropping 40+ degrees within a couple of hours. The rain that had fallen all day first froze and then turned into sleet, and the Mississippi Delta was thrust into darkness when the power lines--some holding up to 39 tons of extra weight--snapped across the region. Water systems, phone systems, heating and cooling systems, transportation systems, and TREES (an estimated 26 million!) all failed, rocketing the region back into the 1930s.
The eeriest part was nighttime. Never had we lived in such utter darkness. There were nothing illuminating the dark, outside of a few flashlights here and there (and batteries were in short supply). For the first few days, as the light drained out of the sky, sunset led to a terrifying cacophony of windows breaking in the distance, tree branches snapping in the night, whispered voices carrying further in the cold air than normal, and otherwise only that awful, unfamiliar silence.
It was only later that I realized my soon-to-be wife was already in the throes of her own system failure as she sank into clinical depression, and the physical darkness and booming silence of those eerie Mississippi nights would soon manifest into our lives when we married just two months later. However, just as I learned how to cope with the disaster of the ice storm, I also learned how to combat the darkness of depression's shadow.
There are thirteen lessons I learned from living with darkness, and the next few posts will dig into these. Foremost is this ...
#1--GET WISDOM.
"Wisdom," in the Judeo-Christian Scriptures, is practical in nature and centers around living in a way that honors God. It relates to knowledge, or understanding. While wisdom and understanding are not the same, one cannot exist without the other. In the case of Jen's depression, I was in short supply of both! I did not know what we were facing and I did not know how to live in a God-honoring way in the midst of it, as my first thought--murder, apparently does not honor God! I kid … mostly.
Proverbs 24:21 explains that "Wisdom brings strength and knowledge gives power." Thus, getting wise is getting a clue about the circumstances you find yourself in (gaining knowledge) and then using that understanding to glorify God. This combination of practical knowledge and the useful application of that knowledge in godly living is life-saving.
I literally had no idea what happened to the woman I proposed to. The light was gone from her eyes; the laugh was gone from her lips; joy was gone from her; the tiniest disruption was overwhelming to her; I literally felt trapped in the valley of the shadow of death. In fact, we both were. I pulled up "Ask Jeeves" on Windows 95, and typed in something like, "What is going on?" and the power that stems from knowledge began to flow. The National Institute of Mental Health gave me direction. Suddenly, I recognized that what I was seeing had a NAME, and that name was depression. Now, instead of flailing around in the darkness against some invisible, unrecognizable force, I knew better where to aim my punches. I found Brian Quinn's book, The Depression Sourcebook, and it gave me hope that depression was recognizable and treatable. I was no longer alone in this battle for my wife's soul (and my own), and discovering that gave great power to me (and Jennifer, eventually).
Knowledge is great, but attaining knowledge is only half of the combo. To be effective, one must have the strength for wielding that knowledge. Friends, I had no strength because I had no wisdom. Depression was not anything I had ever encountered in my life. This woman to whom I pledged my life was not the woman living in my house. One was caring, other-centered, and mostly sweet. This was was mean, self-centered, and vindictive. One was affectionate; this one was untouchable. One was content with life; this one always wanted more and better and was never satisfied. One liked people; this one was paranoid and trusted no one (to include me, most of the time). So, not knowing what else to do, I turned to the only source of wisdom I knew--the Christian Scriptures. While others told me to divorce Jen, because "you deserve to be happy," God's Word taught me about love (1 Cor 13:4-8). While others counseled me to go with my gut and to listen to my feelings, God's Word reminded me that "the heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer 17:9) and to "trust in the Lord … and He will direct [my] paths" (Prov 3:5-6). The knowledge that my wife had been captured by the ogre of depression and dragged into the depths of darkness and despair against her will gave me the power to seek a strength above and beyond myself.
During my first deployment, I was literally at my wit's end with Jennifer. Convinced that divorce was the only viable option for my sanity and well-being, I sought out another chaplain for advice. Ch Darrell Clark looked me square in the eye and said, "If your wife was battling cancer, would you divorce her?" Naturally, I said, "No." He then replied, "Depression is an illness. How is this any different?" And the strength from that wisdom encouraged me to keep on.
Proverbs 24:20 says, "Use wisdom [strength] and understanding [power] to establish your home; let good sense fill the rooms with priceless treasures." After 32 years of marriage, I can legitimately walk through the rooms of the house we have built together and point to the treasures of God's goodness, children who love the Lord, a marriage that is both the hardest thing I've ever done and the best thing I've ever experienced, and strength and power I never knew was available. Are you living with darkness?
GET WISDOM.
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